i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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