I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
