please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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