Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
