then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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