If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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