I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
