youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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