Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
