my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
