READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
