I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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