Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
