was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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