...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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