Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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