My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
