I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
