Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
