You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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