sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
