You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
