Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
