Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
