Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
