May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
