im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize