I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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