Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize