I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
