So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
