I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize