Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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