I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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