sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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