So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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