you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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