dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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