You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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