I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
