I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
