Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
3pm strippers are depressing
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
