there's paper in my vomit.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
