Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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