Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
