First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
