Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize