OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
