I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
