my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
