is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
