I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
