why do cheetos always look like penises
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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