my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
