all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
