There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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