My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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