WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
