We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
