Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
