i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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