You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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