Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i dont even know how to be here
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You don't make any sense
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